January 1st, 2024: 

Last year I think I really let myself get behind. This year I promise to myself to make everything happen. My therapist told me that writing down my yearly goals will help me focus myself towards accomplishing them. So here goes: 

• Get my G.P.A from a 3.8 to a 4.0. I know it might be ambitious but I just know I could do it if I try! 

• Train and run a marathon! 

• Cut out all major carbs and processed sugars. My body needs a reset! 

• Drink 5 liters of water a day 

• Soothe and confront Blorg the Lizard God who threatens total destruction in dark of my nightly dreamscape

March 12, 2024: 

You know what? I set the bar a little high in January, but I’m not gonna let my rocky start get the better of me! I think my goals need a little bit of adjusting, so here goes: 

• Maintain by 3.8 GPA

• run a half-marathon! 

• Cut out hyper-processed sugars

• Drink 5 liters of water a day! (Still going strong) 

• Stop Blorg the Lizard God from physically materializing in the real world by outsmarting his dream-snares and, above all else, not shaking his hand, thereby freeing him from the real of the fantastical

July 6th, 2024: 

Independence Day was a bit of a bump in the road for my yearly goals. Come to think of it, the last few months have been a little tough. I think I’ll be kind to myself and touch up the goals a little bit: 

• Get back up to a 3.8 GPA

• Run a 15K 

• No bread at restaurants! 

• Drink 5 liters of water a day! 

• Save the town from Blorg the Lizard God by enlisting the help of the Old Haggard Witch who lives at the end the road (just past the Mr. Imagination’s Cream-tastic Crematorium), and entering his dreams, thereby beating him at his own game

• Forgive myself for shaking Blorg the Lizard King’s hand, for I could not have know what he had up his sleeve

September 11, 2024: 

Things have gone from bad to worse but, really, I have always seen myself as a glass-half-full type of person. I need to re-evaluate and listen to what my body needs. 

• Don’t let my GPA fall below a 3.0 

• Get the mail at the end of the drive through everyday 

• Stay away from the food at Mr. Imagination’s Cream-tastic Crematorium (which has been tasting… funny lately)

• Drink 5 liters of water a day! 

• Round up what’s left of the townsfolk and protect the old radio tower from Blorg the Lizard God, lest he be able to project his mind-penetrating gamma waves and telekinetically control the subconscious of everybody within a 20 mile range. 

• Remember all those who fell today 23 years ago today. 

December 31, 2024

It’s been a rollercoaster of a year, and even if I didnt accomplish all my goals per se, I have come so so far in becoming the person that I want to be— a loyal and close aid to my ruler for all eternity, Blorg the Lizard King. I’ve ultimately come to the conclusion that yearly lists of goals are not going to make things happen. I don’t need a calendar telling me when to start living the live I’m destined to live. Which is why from now on, I’m just gonna set my priorities straight right here and now, and live by a few simple, easy to follow rules: 

• Hail and honor Blorg the Lizard King, protector of universes and friend of Horses

• Gather nuts and berries from the surrounding areas to properly supplicate Blorg the Lizard king

• Forage for retired radio-connectivity equipment, to expand the empire of Blorg the Lizard King, and free all the non-believers from their narrow-thinking and self-constraining minds

• Drink 5 Liters of water a day