The year? 1982. The place? The future. You and your 3 closest friends must face off in a Blade-runner-esque crime noir in which you discover that you are all robots. While all three of you pursue each others’ murders, a old prospector informs you that the land you are currently standing on is an old Lenape Native American burial ground. Having gained perspective, you three decide to execute command \open_application\makelovenotwar. 

When your mother informs you that you are adopted, you go searching for your birth parents. All you are given is one clue scribbled on the bottom of the sperm bank clinic, in which the birth father’s name is listed as “Stone Phillips, Dateline NBC.” Hmmmm, cryptic, you think. You eventually interpret this clue to mean that your birth father is Stone Phillips, former Dateline NBC co-host. While out to lunch re-connecting, your new Dada has news for you! There was security breach at the CIA. Or the FBI. Or the Department of Homeland Security. Or your local police force. It was left unclear you didn’t bother to ask. Their agent list was compromised and now it’s up to you to foil a Russian plot to infect the U.S. water supply— which in the case of your dream is the reflecting pool in D.C— with fart spray and complex carbohydrates. You agree. 

You look down. No legs. You look up. Blue sky…. Hmmmm, 1 for 2 on normal things, you think to yourself. Also, you’re currently parachuting into a carnival Graviton. You immediately puke all over the place, and are forced to catch the puke while it reaches the circumference that you are now forced centripetally against. Day breaks and you are eating sushi. Night breaks and you are eating a Mcdonald’s Hotcake. “Dr. Zaius. We need you to operate. Our boytoy needs a love transplant.” You execute computer command \open_application\makelovenotwar. Suddenly, and as if was always the case, you are a robot. 

The plot of the movie Mr. Popper’s Penguins but replace penguins with bed bugs. And replace all the cheer of that movie with abject dread. And then add a few musical numbers to spice up the joint. In Chinese.