Four pivotal conversations from perhaps the most pivotal era in human history (let's pretend). 

1. God to Ezekiel, The Birth Of The World

[Angel enters]

God: Greetings Angel Ezekiel.

Angel: Hello, Father. I come from Earth. 

God; Oh good. What was the temperature like down there? I mean how do my Children feel about the fruits of my creation so far. 

Angel: Father, the good news is that we have received lots of positive feedback. Adam is especially fond of breasts.

God: Oh Good! I knew that would be a nice touch. You know Gabriel thought it was too much but I told him to get outta town. What else?

Angel: The lions are made glad by the silky yellow hair which circumvents their face; And the giraffes are very much pleased by their long necks, which allow them to graze towards the Heavens; All the trees delight in their pleasant arbory which sways in the gentle breeze of your loving wind. 

God: I feel like there’s a “but” coming. Just give it to me straight. Where’s the bad news. Gahhh I’m so nervous! You know I really wanted this to go well. 

Angel: Yes, God, I know. The thing is…… We’ve been receiving some complaints. 

God: From who?? 

Angel: The lambs are not happy. 

God: Go on…..

Angel: Yeah they don’t like the part where everybody’s sins are transferred onto them and then they get their throats cut. 

God: Fuck! Did you explain that it was actually kinda an honor when you think about it?

Angel: I did.

God: And?

Angel: They did not agree. 

God: I wanna talk to them. 

Angel: God, I have to advise against that, they’re pretty fired up. 

God: Well I really feel like if I can explain it to them they’ll calm down. It’s like, yeah, you get killed and die full of sin, but you’re also kinda a symbol of purity! 

Angel: I gotta say, I kinda agree with them on this one.

God:  Honestly, do you think I goofed it up on this one? 

Angel: Do you want my honest answer?

God: Oh God you do!

2. Adam to Eve, The Birth of Cain and Abel

As God foretold to her, Eve endured great pain in birthing her first child. 

EVE:I have produced a man with the help of the LORD.I shall name him Cain.

ADAM: ….[giving her a weird look]

E: … What?

A: No nothing it’s—, he’s beautiful I’m so happy and I ju—

E: [unamused] oh yeah obviously you sound happy.

A: No I’m sorry forget I said anything. I’m just so glad he’s healthy. I’ve been under alot of stress at work lately I’m just rambling. I love you Eve. 

E: Aww that’s sweet. Do you want to hol—

A: It’s just that, I’m really not sure about… Cain? I mean is that a family name?  I’m guessing it’s not! Ha! Get it? So yeah I just feel like maybe we can… do better?

E: Ha-ha [sarcastically]. I think it’s pretty. 

A: You know what, I’m sorry babe. You’re right, it is pretty…………..[under breath] Pretty fucking stupid.

E: Take that back right now. 

A: What?! I didn’t say anything! Ok whatever!  Cain it is. 

LATER, Eve bears Cain’s brother. 

E: I’ve been thinking alot about the name after our fight last time.

A: Annnnd?

E: Abel. 

A: You cannot be serious. It’s better but… but… Eve, c’mon!

But remembering the trouble he got into last time, Adam relented.

Many years later, Cain rose up against his brother Abel, and slayed him, because he was jealous of his marginally better name, and Adam did not blame him at all. 

3. Jacob to Ramses, The Birth Of Constellations

Jacob: Look at those stars! That one looks like a line with a cross through it!

Ramses: It looks just like the legend Ganymede, bearing the cup of the Gods!

Jacob: I mean… not really, right? 

Ramses: No look there’s his hand and there’s his head and ther-

Jacob: It’s really more of a oval I think. I’m not trying to put you down but like… man you don’t have to do all that. Stop trying to be so smart all the time, we like you just the way you are. 

Ramses: I’m serious man. I’m not trying to be smart! Don’t you see it? 

Jacob: Are you gonna tell me that T shaped one is a crucifixion now?

Ramses: No that would be silly. 

Jacob: Thank you!  So you under—

Ramses: It’s very clearly Aquilas, bringing forth the thunderbolt of the mighty Zeus!

Jacob: Jesus fucking christ. 

Ramses: Whaaat?!

Jacob: There’s no way you really see that in those stars. It’s just us man. You don’t have to lie. Just say it’s a T. It’s a T man just say it. 

Ramses: It’s a bird. Carrying. The thunderbolt. Of Zeus. 

Jacob: Don’t come over anymore.

4. Macaroni Executive 1  to Macaroni Executive 2: The Birth Of Cheeseburger Helper Macaroni

Executive 1: So you know Mac and cheese is one of our biggest sellers? 

Executive 2: Yeah, so what? 

E1: What about if we make hamburger helper? 

E2: What’s that? 

E1: It’s like a hybrid of pasta and burgers! It’d be macaroni in a cheese sauce with meat mixed in! 

E2: Oh what a neat idea! So what, we include hamburger meat in the packaging?
E1: Nope

E2: But we include like the full cheese sauce in the packaging? 

E1: Nope

E2: So what do we include in the packaging? 

E1: Macaroni and Cheese

E2: So what’s the difference between macaroni and cheese and hamburger helper? 

E1: In hamburger helper we include instructions for how to add meat and milk and water. 

E2: But we probably charge comparable rates for Mac and cheese and hamburger helper then? If we give the same product? 

E1: Not at all…